i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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