Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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