She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
