Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
