People in love make me want to vomit
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
