i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
