do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
being pregnant is like rehab
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
