I molested 6 butterflies tonight
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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