Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
