Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
