I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
