6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
