UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
