My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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