so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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