fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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