You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just found a bag of teeth...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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