you guys were way drunker than both of me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
