absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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