sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
