Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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