You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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