Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
