We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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