He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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