that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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