i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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