But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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