bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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