New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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