saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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