Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So vagazzling was a success
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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