I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
