Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
