I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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