if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
