Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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