fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think I won the penis lottery.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
