so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
