dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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