This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
