I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
