i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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