you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
