She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Boobs are out for the taking
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
