so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
