oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
