Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
