he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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