i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
