Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
