did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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