My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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