Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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