he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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