Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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