i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
