like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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