Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
