You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
