i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize