Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
