I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
