i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
