I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
