Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
