I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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