bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
