we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why do cheetos always look like penises
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
