Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
