Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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