Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
