I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
