Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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